X COMMANDMENTS OF WHITEWATER BOATING

I
Paddle thou not on cold waters without a wet or dry suit,
for if thou doeth, thy friends will enjoy Happy Hour without thee.

II
Tarry thou not amongst those who cast aside preservers of life,
for they are surely nonbelievers and are not long for this world.

III
Verily, I say unto thee, be most cautious of hydraulics and souse holes,
for being trapped is a slothful process, and thou might be rolled for hours on end
before thy Maker sees fit to meet thee.

IV
If thy boat goeth from under thee, take care to float feet first,
and although this may cause thee to bounceth upon thy buttocks in a most
ungracious manner, thou wilt paddle another day.

V
Take care thou doest not passeth the Lead boat, for thee will incur
the wrath of the Leader, and bringeth the fury of the disciples upon thee.

VI
Commit thou to memory the works of the prophets,
as written in the Holy Books, like The AMC Whitewater Handbook,
which giveth thee the blessed words and consoleth thee.

VII
Trifle thou not with drugs or strong drink on the waters.
Thy head needeth to be clear to paddle thy boat, and misseth the rocks.

VIII
Go ye unto the white waters with a couplet of other boats.

IX
If thy boat dumpeth, be upstream when the boat is cast asunder upon the rocks,
lest thee be pinned in a rude manner.

X
Thou shalt not forget thy duct tape and spare paddle, for if thou doeth,
thy art apt to have a long pilgrimage to dry pastures.

These commandments were discovered scratched on a pair of battered
aluminum tablets, washed up on the bank of the Esopus Creek,
just below "Elmer's Turn."

With apologies to Moses: Anon.